Above: Udo Kier as Count Dracula in Blood for Dracula
Now, I know what you are thinking--"Kate, you can't save Count Dracula! He's the villain." Au contraire, internet--in Paul Morrissey's 1974 Blood for Dracula, he's done in by a thuggish, raping Communist. As the new Indiana Jones picture has taught us, Commies are the new Nazis, and Nazis are the ultimate screen villains. Simple cinema mathematics, yes?
The Dracula of BfD is absolutely swoon-worthy--a perfect example of the Three F's:
There would be four Fs, but "Effete"only sounds like it starts with an F. [And there is still only one T in "writing," in spite of what these people think]
Nobody's perfect, and his inability to stomach sub-par, non-"wirgin" blood just puts him nearer to my black little heart. We're kindred souls, really, with our Special Needs--I break out into hives at the very thought of wearing drugstore perfume, for example. While some have said that the Count was too feeble and diminished to live, I prefer to think that he was just overly discriminating, a true perfectionist in an imperfect world. I have OCD--I can relate to this.
We could trade makeup tips and go shopping for outrageous outfits together (I need to know where the hair-trimmed coat can be purchased--NEED TO KNOW). My professional background as a corporate admin would make me a really outstanding Renfield-analog, and I'd be worlds more effective at protecting Dracula from his eventual dismemberment and staking than the eldest daughter in the film.
Poor Dracula--he was simply too fabulous for our world. He could even make rolling around in a wheelchair look chic.